Learning Portal

Children and Separation

Most parents who have already gone through a separation or divorce may likely tell you that is was the most difficult thing they had to do. Not only is it exhausting to sift through the emotions and the household effects, but it is also tenfold worse when you are involved in a high-conflict separation or divorce. As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to hear your child's anguish and see their face of discontent, hurt, and confusion. How do you, as a parent, protect and educate your child to deal with their world falling apart when you can barely hold yourself together? 

When Together Is No Longer An Option

Separating from a loved one can be a devastating, life-altering, and traumatic experience. Depending on the reasons for the breakdown in your relationship, you may also have signs or symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You will likely experience an array of intense emotions that flip back and forth, such as:

• frustration, powerlessness, and anger

• desperation 

• loneliness and sadness

• at ready stance for entering a battle

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

We have all heard the term Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or know someone who has been labeled a narcissist. Narcissists are also referred to as high-conflict individuals (HCI). What  most of us don't know is we all have some traits of narcissism. What ear marks the true narcissist is how they operate in the world on a daily basis. For everyone else who has the traits of a narcissist, those traits generally come out in specific circumstances but it is not our typical way of behaving. 

Grey Rock or Yellow Rock

Picking up the pieces and putting the puzzle back together following a separation or divorce seems almost impossible some days. If you are experiencing a high-conflict separation or divorce, trying to remain calm may seem equally impossible. How is it possible to speak with your high-conflict ex when all you crave is peace?

Most of us have heard of the 'gray rock' method of speaking, but it doesn't always work! Utilizing the gray rock method requires you to detach yourself, present as emotionless, and void of any meaningful thought. Practicing the gray rock method is not easy to maintain, and will often spark the high-conflict person into another battle with you.

What About Mediation?

In British Columbia and most other provinces of Canada, mediation is a recommended option before going to court. What makes mediation a better option than going to court?

Mediation is led by a neutral 3rd party, a trained mediator, who holds no interest in the outcome. What does that really mean? Mediators should be unbiased and non-judgmental during the entire mediation. The only interest a mediator should have is in facilitating a conversation when there has been a communication breakdown between the parties. Mediators guide the conversation when emotions are becoming more intense or when the conversation gets off track from reaching a resolution.